Living Life With Intention & Resolve
00:10
Good morning, friends, and welcome to this episode of The Be Well podcast. My name is Kelsy Timas and I’m joining you on this early new year of 2022. We recently had our New Year Live well Retreat where we focused on intentions and this concept of resolutions.
And you may have listened to a prior episode where we spent a lot of time diving into “Who am I being and why?” And how, at any time during the year, we can just settle into some space of discovery of “Where am I? What’s going on right now?” “Who am I being and why am I being that?”
And that’s really more of a kind of corrective measure to make sure we’re in alignment, alignment with our truth or alignment with our goals. It’s a great way to check in, but today I want to talk a little bit more about even how we arrive to that doing and the efforts of that doing, and it’s so popular and there’s this collective pressure, um, in the new year to be jumping right into these resolutions, like how, what are your resolutions?
(01:43)
What is resolution anyway? First of all, what is resolution and, and how do we come to setting those for ourselves? How do we decide what we want, or even what we need?
I prefer to take clients and, and students through a process of settling in, yoga and meditation. Usually, I like to use an iRest, to first just connect with where you are and before we can look forward to where we want to be: taking time to inventory where we’ve been supports getting present with where we currently are, and then from where we are, where are we going? Where do we want to be going? Where do we need to be going, in a way that’s relevant, and ultimately deeply fulfilling for this, life that we are living, that no one can live for you?
(02:55)
So, today maybe, just settling into that space of: how would you describe your life to this point? So, from this place, from today, reflecting back, how would you describe your life to, to this point? Now, that’s curious, because there’s the way we want to describe our life. There’s the way that we wish we could describe our life; if, when we reflect back, there’s the things that we anticipated and wanted in our life.
Then, there’s oftentimes these mile markers in life that we wish weren’t there; the things we never intended or asked for; the things we’ve survived, or endured, or have overcome, and maybe offer some compassion, and acceptance, to just allowing the life that has unfolded to this point to be exactly as it is, not needing to change it in any way.
Not needing to edit it, to make it look good for someone else, or just keeping that in close, keeping it truthful, honest, and maybe in one statement, maybe being able to, if you work more chronologically, and just kind of create a list of milestones and form that into a statement of– maybe it’s a season of hustling and working hard to get to a place, to feel like I have opportunity– or, or maybe that’s a statement like “my life so far has been an accumulation of miracles”.
(05:03)
Like, sometimes that’s just really how it feels, that “I don’t even really know how I’ve gotten to this point“. Or, maybe it’s been very deliberate and “my life thus far has been a series of crossroads and very clear decisions”. And then let that be– let what has been, has been.
Then, in this moment, you know, the person that you are from here, “I want…dot dot dot”, make a list of: “I wants” So, not your prior wants. It’s oftentimes we tend to focus on what we want based on a prior version of ourself, what that version of ourself wanted, that has not happened yet.
And what’s curious about that is as we live our life and have experiences, so very often the things that we wanted when we were 18 or 25, or even 40, we don’t want anymore, or even need anymore.
(06:23)
It’s just still a lingering request, that is just hovering. And so if you, if we really are connecting with who we are today with this lived-life already, so being with the life that we’ve already lived, and “what do we want?” So that the devotion of time moving forward is updated. It’s more current, it’s relevant. It’s related to what’s real now, especially in a time like these, where the world around us is changing so much too. So, oftentimes, that– the shifts and changes in the world also create a little bit of a quake to the structure of what we are wanting and building for ourself.
(07:20)
Then from that list, move into your needs. “I need…” our needs are in a very intimate relationship with our wants. I find it helpful to start with wants first so that your needs can be related to the wanting when we do it in reverse, we don’t really want deep enough or brave enough, or full enough, because we’re operating from a place of limitation. Need is always going to be more connected to survival. Wanting is much more connected to our creativity and our co-creative ability, and desire and vision. It’s what we can create, versus need is always related to working with what we have. So the needs follow the wants. Are the needs in alignment with your wants?
(08:25)
And from there, we’ve got a maybe a clear picture of three to five things that feel up close, or that are in bold, that are standing out to you. Those will now turn into a “will statement”. So I will…” So, “I will earn a master’s degree or PhD”, or “I will, successfully pivot in my career”, or “I will co-create a whole wholehearted relationship”, or “I will transform, (you know) some portion of my life”.
So, the will statement is now personal to you. It’s the beginning of action. So. what we will do leads to all the actions of that doing. So “I will…” and now, ask, “Why?” So, “I will, eliminate my household debt in 2022.”
(09:54)
And, why?
So, before we get to the “how?” start with “why?” Why will you do that? Why will you create a wholehearted relationship? Why will you return to school? Why will you make the choice to change your career? Why will you decide to become a parent?
And these are kind of just some general examples. They might– these statements might look much more detailed and personal on your paper. So, “why?”. The, why connection makes it personal and deeply meaningful, then “the why” becomes the “how?”
So, if you create three to five actions that you would need to take every day, every week and or every month for that item, and look at that. So if, if I will eliminate my household debt in 2022… Why? because the- our retirement plan or the- this next season of life, because it is important to have financial independence moving into retirement- an example. Then how, you know, starts with even the first action.
(11:46)
I will create clear transparency with myself about where I am financially, cause that’s kind of a beginning step sometimes. Um, how, um, the strategy- create the strategy for paying off debt. And then there’s probably a budget involved in that, right? I put my family on a budget that honors that plan. So, how is the action. And then after you’re done with that, ask yourself, and what do I need when I get off track? or who will I call when I need help? To build in, like we, plan, yes, we plan for the best, but we also prepare for the worst, and then, life just happens. Oftentimes, life’s just natural evolution. It-life is always inviting us or inserting, scenes right in the middle of our plan. ‘Cause, that’s really life. We really can’t, we can’t plan it all away.
(13:11)
And it’s really what we do in that time. Where do we, where do we renegotiate the things that we want and need, with the things that we have to do? That awareness of, how will I support myself when things aren’t going as planned, it’s kind of the beginning of recognizing that we can always start again, anytime. That one day, or one week, or one month, of not being with the actions that we’ve set up, is not failure. It might take longer, it might interrupt your timeline, but it doesn’t mean that the whole thing is thrown out and that we failed, and that we can’t. Then we move into the “what I can’t do” or even worse the shaming, of “what I should have done”. So, to avoid that pitfall, where is the anchor? What do we reach for when it does become difficult?
(14:17)
Because it will, and having a solid support system for that, to get back on track, then this creates this firmness of soul, the sensation of being able to look at what you really want and that it’s in alignment with who you are; and then the needs, and the support system, and the actions that you will take forward, then has this sensation of becoming like a must. “What I must do”, if you compare a prior life resolution of, you know, well, “I think I’ll do this in 2022” versus this: “What I must do, what I must devote my time to and what I will do and what this will be for me.” And my life is so much more sustainable. Our ability to stay with it is more consistent because of the firmness of soul, the relationship that we’ve already created with that, life experience or with that intention.
(15:46)
So this is the process of trading resolution for resolve and intention; to be with someone or be with something, with a firmness of soul, is really resolve, and is rooted in intention. So, that all of your efforts and your intentions lead you to a more authentic expression of life and a more fulfilling life. ‘Cause really what we do with this life that we’re living is really up to us.
There’s so much of our time that is invested in maybe pleasing others or making things better for other people or the opinions of others, or even just this, our existence. We execute these actions for your existence, but I encourage you to, to the opportunity, at any time that you might be feeling that life is in that way, to “how can I unfold within my life?” What can I unfold within my life?” So that this experience of existing and surviving is, is really more of this expansive experience of expression and fulfillment.
Speaker 1: (17:35)
I’m reminded of a conversation I had with a student, a gentleman who we were discussing nutrition and how important having well rounded nutrition, you know, could be. And after the education time that we spent together, he said:
“Wow, I, when I think back on how I’ve been eating, you know, for maybe my whole life, it all, everything I ate tasted like survival.”
And that was so profound to me.
We both just kind of sat there with this ‘aha’. That every meal was being consumed from a place of survival and even tasted like survival. Like he had prepared it in survival, or it was prepared only for survival. And that the takeaway was that, you know, his every meal now, every meal forward is in order to thrive, to grow, to heal, to expand, to nurture, and even to enjoy, enjoy, to eat in joy.
(19:02)
Maybe take that forward from today, this “enJoy”, “e n J O Y”, but really it’s like in, “I N J O Y” to enjoy our life, to be able to do it, enjoy connected to the efforts from a place of purpose and to live a fulfilling life. That when we look back, over and over again, how would we describe the life that we’re living? How would we describe the life that we’ve lived, even with all of the things we didn’t plan? What I found is that we tend to respond to the things we don’t plan with the same tools and presence that we respond to, what we have planned when we do it from a grounded place.
(20:11)
So, I wish you a wonderful new week, in the new year of taking some time to reflect, and maybe rest in what you’ve come upon, what you’re choosing, and then the movement like springing forward into that. Giving yourself some time for that. You know, another concept of this process in the new year is that there’s this expectation, whether it’s of ourselves or from the collective that we are just supposed to have it all figured out on January 1st, and step out of one year and into another year, just fully engaged and available and having it all together.
It just doesn’t work that way; and that ideal is very counterintuitive to our nature, really our human nature, our human design. We are actually right in the middle of hibernation, no matter what region of the world that you live in, during the Winter is: hibernation. And to take all of January, like take all of January to rest and reflect and get clear, much better to take a little more time, give yourself a little more time so that you’re on the right path versus just get moving, without understanding the direction that you’re going.
(21:58)
So hopefully that can be supportive, just taking a little more time in January, by February having some clarity and a plan. And usually by the 1st of March or the beginning of early spring, there’s also the energy for the momentum forward. You know, planning.
Once we have a plan there’s actions like enrolling in this, or, you know, getting a schedule put together, putting the year calendar together, you know, all of those things are efforts. They can be happening as part of our preparedness, but then once we’re clear, putting all of our energy forward into that and letting and letting that lead from our center. So we’re not being, uh, dragged along or pushed along. But moving into the experiences of our life from a grounded place of intention and resolve.
It’s always a pleasure to spend time with you. And I look forward to this year, unfolding intentionally, with presence and seeing you next time. Have a wonderful day and be well.
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